Updated: Oct 21
I've come into a new realization that I've been living my life for myself and through my own understanding. And that this was leading me to rationalize willful deceit in my own heart. God has blessed me with a beautiful wife and child and I was on a path towards throwing that all away while telling myself and my wife even that my actions and lusts were "okay" because I wasn't hurting anyone and it was "for the art" or whatever other nonsense I could think of. I've lived in a perpetual state of making excuses for my own sins for as long as I can remember. for years catering to my impulses. Thinking that if my impulses were pulling me a certain way, it must be okay, as long as I was being generally courteous and respectful of others. Never thinking that my soul might have needs that differ drastically from my body.
Romans 10:3 Recently, I decided to read up on what my father has always preached to me, but I being a fool, never grasped. The word of God. Assuming that the bulk of me was going to be more or less in line with Christ's teachings, because I did go to Sunday school, afterall. I knew the stories and even had a few verses memorized. But I learned very quickly that my soul was basically in the garbage and not only was I not in line with Christ's teachings, but I was unwittingly an enemy of God.
So I had a choice to make, either continue to give into my impulses and justify my actions through my own flawed moral code and that of the world (which changes through the ages) or humble myself in the sight of the Lord and seek redemption for my life through his crucifixion. Desperately, I sought redemption. And desperately, I cling to his word. James 4:4-10 So I'm writing this to announce I will be taking a new direction in my life. I've lived my entire life never knowing the true power of Grace in Christ's glory, placing my standards on one thing after another until I resorted in placing my standards in myself, or so I thought. I thought maybe if I disconnect from social media, I'll be able to find my inner voice and make my own way, a form or self righteousness. But the truth is that God lays out the standard in his word and gives us a path through Christ to fulfil the work of God. I'm not only dedicating my soul to God, but also my work. Whether it be the day in day out work that provides for my family, or work for those in need in the community, I will strive to do it as unto the Lord and no longer for myself. Because just like the adulteress that Christ saved from the Pharisees, He has saved me and I'll always be indebted to him.